Seems to me to be precisely the kind of 'heaven' religious power systems want us all to 'enjoy' - even right here right now on Earth.

Everyone is trying to get to the bar.
The name of the bar, the bar is called heaven.
The band in heaven plays my favorite song.
They play it once again, they play it all night long.

Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.
Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.

There is a party, everyone is there.
Everyone will leave at exactly the same time.
Its hard to imagine that nothing at all
Could be so exciting, and so much fun.

Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.
Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.

When this kiss is over it will start again.
It will not be any different, it will be exactly
The same.
Its hard to imagine that nothing at all
Could be so exciting, could be so much fun.

Heaven is a place where nothing every happens.
Heaven is a place where nothing every happens.

On Slacktivist's Left Behind comment blog, this has been a running one-liner joke ever since LaHaye & Jenkins first put that excerpt up on the Web.

As it has been pointed out on that blog, "When I hear the phrase 'steaming pile', the LAST thing I think of is 'fresh produce'."

LaHaye & Jenkins are bad hack writers; that's been established to my satisfaction.

I want to say that I second Andrew's statement about conversion, pretty much to the letter.

Likewise. I think I'd already more or less given up belief when I stumbled across Ebon Musings, but I was still a bit shaky about it, and a few essays in particular really helped to convince me that atheism was the much more sensible position.

On-topic, a few years ago (as a Christian) I was talking to an atheist, and he asked me what I thought heaven was supposed to be like. I basically said that I couldn't give an answer, because anything we could imagine wouldn't be good enough. In hindsight, it's the same sort of argument that says that things that make absolutely no sense (insert your own example) are a "divine mystery" that show that God is "beyond human understanding", which somehow makes him even better. A very useful out whenever you can't find another way around a contradiction.

I think it was somewhere in one of Issac Asimov's autobiographies where he discussed his rejection of various heavens, and when he mentioned the Christian one, he commented, "It all sounded like an eternal sing-along of praise to God. It's no wonder Lucifer rebelled." or something to that effect.

Thank goodness for the Internet, way back in 1997, and the wonderful, primordial atheism websites I came across as a kid! I sleep a lot easier now, and I don't have to waste my time praying before I crash, either.

Consider the Norse Valhalla. During the day, you engage in mock combat with your friends, slicing each other up and then getting restored. Something like paintball or player-vs-player computer gaming. And each evening, you get to eat roast boar and drink mead (fermented honey). They get the meat from boar Saehrimnir, who grows back, and the mead from milking the she-goat Heidrum.

And the Greco-Roman Elysian Fields and the Islands of the Blessed. From this page:

The Elysian Fields were described as a wonderful place, where everything was delightful. There were soft green meadows, lovely groves, a delicious life-giving air, sunlight that glowed a soft purple, and everyone was happy and peaceful. The sound of music played on pipes and lyres filled the air. Banquets occurred whenever the inhabitants desired.

What? How the hell can there be unbelievers in a world ruled by God and Jesus?! Do these books make any sense to anyone?

Yes, it's true, believe it or not. The plot of Kingdom Come is that despite Jesus winning the literal battle of Armageddon, casting Satan into the pit for a thousand years and ruling in the flesh over a miraculously rejuvenated Earth, there are still unbelievers on the planet. (The book says that all these people die at the age of 100, whereas believers live throughout the full millennium.)

I say "unbelievers", but that's probably inaccurate. The bad guys in the book are the most cartoonish stereotype of non-Christians in all the Left Behind books - they know God is real, they just hate him. Naturally, there has to be one more big battle at the end of the book, which is over in about two sentences. In fact, the last nine hundred years of the millennium take place in the epilogue.

I mean, where's the stripper factory and the beer volcano?