Comments on: The Desert http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html NIGHTTIME IS FOR DREAMING. DAYLIGHT IS FOR ACTION. Mon, 1 Dec 2008 15:58:44 +0000 By: Ebonmuse http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27400 Ebonmuse Fri, 28 Sep 2007 04:23:09 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27400 I'm glad to see there's interest so far! Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. The next post in this series will appear tomorrow, and you can all decide for yourselves what the desert represents... I'm glad to see there's interest so far! Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. The next post in this series will appear tomorrow, and you can all decide for yourselves what the desert represents...

]]> By: Nes http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27397 Nes Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:22:06 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27397 I think my response could best be summed up with one word: More. I think my response could best be summed up with one word: More.

]]> By: chronomitch http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27395 chronomitch Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:14:29 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27395 I'm not sure if this is story is some kind of metaphor, but your writing has drawn me in. I'm looking forward to the next part, even if it is just a piece of prose written purely for pleasure. I'm not sure if this is story is some kind of metaphor, but your writing has drawn me in. I'm looking forward to the next part, even if it is just a piece of prose written purely for pleasure.

]]> By: Lynet http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27394 Lynet Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:13:11 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27394 Very rich prose, even by your standards. I am, naturally, intrigued, and shall not critique because I want to know where and how it goes, as is. Very rich prose, even by your standards. I am, naturally, intrigued, and shall not critique because I want to know where and how it goes, as is.

]]> By: Chris http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27384 Chris Thu, 27 Sep 2007 20:35:53 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27384 The imagery reminds me of being trapped in a Dali painting. I'm curious as to what the search is for. god? truth? justice? peace? hope? It seems very interesting so far. The imagery reminds me of being trapped in a Dali painting. I'm curious as to what the search is for. god? truth? justice? peace? hope? It seems very interesting so far.

]]> By: Polly http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27380 Polly Thu, 27 Sep 2007 18:20:10 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27380 The scene works for me but for the wrong reason. I love the desert especially when the temp goes over 100 F and the air is dry and the land is all red-rocks and dried up scrub-brush. I think you mean a desert of (non)reason. Since you didn't mention the rotunda, I wonder if that's not your destination and if the fallen fence isn't a political reference. That would make the desert the Church and your starting point the state. Since that doesn't make sense, I'm probably off. Plus, I doubt you're going to the Church side to do any kind of offensive maneuvering behind enemy lines. Reaon vs. superstition is probably the real metaphor. Or, maybe you're just going for a hike, whaddu I know? :) I like the writing, eg "fiery sunset", "liquid heat" "silvery laughter" and other sensory evocative language. OK, the following is my own humble, certainly non-expert, opinion. Don't do anything rash in response. :D I'd replace "ovenlike." Maybe rephrase it with something including "hearth" or "furnace" as nouns. Some places it seems too melodramatic. Except in poetry, "for" always feels better when limited to its funtion as a preposition. "I knew the path well, for I had journeyed it many times..." vs. "I knew the path well, having traversed its weathe-worn steps many times..." 1st person narration is tricky because it's hard to separate the story from the teller in current time, but that's just me. Also, it's hard to feel free and unbiased when you're talking about yourself. Note: "The stranger was ruggedly handsome" vs. "I was ruggedly handsome." That's a broad example, but hopefully you get my drift. "The sun beat down hot and harsh, and I could feel the approaching heat on my face." The sun beat down hot and harsh, my face bore the brunt of the heated assault. Anyway, hope that some of this feedback is meaningful. The scene works for me but for the wrong reason. I love the desert especially when the temp goes over 100 F and the air is dry and the land is all red-rocks and dried up scrub-brush.
I think you mean a desert of (non)reason. Since you didn't mention the rotunda, I wonder if that's not your destination and if the fallen fence isn't a political reference. That would make the desert the Church and your starting point the state. Since that doesn't make sense, I'm probably off. Plus, I doubt you're going to the Church side to do any kind of offensive maneuvering behind enemy lines. Reaon vs. superstition is probably the real metaphor. Or, maybe you're just going for a hike, whaddu I know? :)

I like the writing, eg "fiery sunset", "liquid heat" "silvery laughter" and other sensory evocative language.

OK, the following is my own humble, certainly non-expert, opinion. Don't do anything rash in response. :D

I'd replace "ovenlike." Maybe rephrase it with something including "hearth" or "furnace" as nouns.

Some places it seems too melodramatic. Except in poetry, "for" always feels better when limited to its funtion as a preposition. "I knew the path well, for I had journeyed it many times..." vs. "I knew the path well, having traversed its weathe-worn steps many times..."

1st person narration is tricky because it's hard to separate the story from the teller in current time, but that's just me. Also, it's hard to feel free and unbiased when you're talking about yourself. Note: "The stranger was ruggedly handsome" vs. "I was ruggedly handsome." That's a broad example, but hopefully you get my drift.

"The sun beat down hot and harsh, and I could feel the approaching heat on my face."
The sun beat down hot and harsh, my face bore the brunt of the heated assault.

Anyway, hope that some of this feedback is meaningful.

]]> By: Jack http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27376 Jack Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:17:20 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27376 As always, your style is great. I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I can imagine a few possibilities and am eager to read the next installment. Interesting things happen in deserts. Saul reputedly had his conversion in such a place. Yahweh and Allah are sometimes collectively called "the God of the desert". I happen to live within a few hours drive of a desert and have been there many times. It is stark, harsh and beautiful. Some of my favorite hikes have been in the desert. One word of caution, though: If you're going in the summer, bring LOTS of water! As always, your style is great. I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I can imagine a few possibilities and am eager to read the next installment.

Interesting things happen in deserts. Saul reputedly had his conversion in such a place. Yahweh and Allah are sometimes collectively called "the God of the desert".

I happen to live within a few hours drive of a desert and have been there many times. It is stark, harsh and beautiful. Some of my favorite hikes have been in the desert. One word of caution, though: If you're going in the summer, bring LOTS of water!

]]> By: Paul http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27375 Paul Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:08:51 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27375 I've been reading your site for a little while now. I've always enjoyed your writing, and this is definately no exception. Great job, like it very much so far! I've been reading your site for a little while now. I've always enjoyed your writing, and this is definately no exception. Great job, like it very much so far!

]]> By: Petrucio http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27374 Petrucio Thu, 27 Sep 2007 16:36:24 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27374 Nice stuff. I think I can see where you are trying to go with this, and I don't the desert will be all that bad for you at all. My desert has been kind to me. I can see the oasis getting closer and closer. That is, if I understand your metafores. If not, then forget all I said... :) Nice stuff. I think I can see where you are trying to go with this, and I don't the desert will be all that bad for you at all. My desert has been kind to me. I can see the oasis getting closer and closer.

That is, if I understand your metafores. If not, then forget all I said... :)

]]> By: Ric http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27371 Ric Thu, 27 Sep 2007 14:26:06 +0000 http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/09/the-desert.html#comment-27371 As always, your prose is good. Of course I'd have to read further to see the narrative point, so commenting on the prose is about all I can do at this point. As always, your prose is good. Of course I'd have to read further to see the narrative point, so commenting on the prose is about all I can do at this point.

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