Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Violence Vouchers.

Cobra Commander: "Well, your plan doesn't make any sense and is severely lacking in snake themed accessories but I guess you at least know what you're doing with it. I mean if both you and the heroes are on board with destroying the world I suppose it's going to end up destroyed."
Mouch: "Actually... there's a flaw in the plan."
Cobra Commander: "Oh? A flaw other than that you're planning to destroy the world for no gain for any parties involved?"
Mouch: "Yes... patent law."
Cobra Commander: "Patent law."
Mouch: "Yup."
Cobra Commander: "Can... look, I'm going to just level with you here I need an explanation on this one."
Mouch: "Oh it's simple really. We need to revoke all patents immediately."
Cobra Commander: "Why? I mean you explained your plan to me and you're already going to freeze wages, freeze purchasing and sales levels, force people to work in the jobs you tell them to work in and order industries to build exactly what and how much of that what you tell them to which is all whatever they are currently making because you're closing the patent office and no one can make anything new. Why do you need the existing patents?"
Mouch: "The patents are integral to the plan!"
Cobra Commander: "Fine! Okay so if they're so integral just revoke them!"
Mouch: "Oh no we can't... the law isn't on our side."
Cobra Commander: "The law that you can freely rewrite because you control the government."
Mouch: "Yes. If we overstep our authority on patent law the common people will be rioting in the streets."
Cobra Commander: "The common people who you are shackling to a life of abject miserable slavery."
Mouch: "Well, slavery is one thing, but patents! Patents could lead to a revolution!"
Cobra Commander: "How?"
Mouch: "Well, the heroes care about patents. And if they challenge us on the patents they're so super smart and capable we'll lose immediately."
Cobra Commander: "But not if the heroes challenge you on the slavery thing? Is it because the heroes don't care about slavery or because the law lets you make people into slaves?"
Mouch: "I'm going to say... both? I'm not sure, that part of the plan isn't important. The patents, man! Focus on the patents!"
Cobra Commander: "But the common people don't care about patents! I've never once thought of an evil plan focusing on patent law!"
Mouch: "Of course the common people don't care. They're all idiots just like us. But if the heroes fight us over patent law then they can get the common man on their side. The common man is perfectly fine with losing all of his freedom and free will, but if he finds out an industry leader lost a patent he will fight us to the death!"
Cobra Commander: "Alright, I'm just going to go ahead and file this one under 'Sure.' I mean, I don't know what you are talking about but for the sake of my own sanity, let's just move on."
Mouch: "Oh it's fine, we have a plan."
Cobra Commander: "Because all your plans are so brilliant."
Mouch: "Well this one is. We're going to blackmail a guy who has one patent."
Cobra Commander: "What about the rest of the patents? I mean last I checked when I was submitting a patent for a straight jacket made of snakes there were a lot of patents."
Mouch: "Yeah but no, we don't have to worry about those other ones because of reasons. There's just one patent we have to worry about because the guy who owns it is a super amazingly great hero. He already made us look stupid in court once by using the heroes greatest weapon against us."
Cobra Commander: "Blue lasers?"
Mouch: "No, long winded speeches."
Cobra Commander: "..."
Mouch: "Really long ones. Obscenely long ones."
Cobra Commander: "Look I've been defeated by a lot of stuff over the years but even I've never had a plan fail because of some guy talking for a long time!"
Mouch: "But..."
Cobra Commander: "No! It's time for a real villain to take over! I'm going to go and get some anaconda shaped rockets and blow you and all your stupid friends up and take over this world run by incompetents!" *storms out*
Mouch: "Phew... I was worried for a minute there he was going to make a speech."