Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: One Steve Limit.
Cobra Commander: Woah, did you actually say you put someone out of business?
Andrew Stockton: Sure did, that fellow over there who works for me now. I ran him and his partner out of business.
Cobra Commander: So you hired this guy, but what happened to his partner?
Andrew Stockton: Oh I don't know, died on the side of the road somewhere?
John Galt: Yes that sounds about right.
Andrew Stockton: I didn't need the partner after all. And if you can't pull your weight around here I don't really see any reason why we should have to support you.
Cobra Commander: Very cruel. I approve wholeheartedly.
John Galt: Well now, finally something you approve of around here!
Cobra Commander: Well yes I always approve of cruelty, and at least you seem to be sticking true to your principles.
Andrew Stockton: Indeed, it feels good to be the big man around here. Shame I'll be going out of business as soon as Rearden shows up.
Cobra Commander: Wait what?
Andrew Stockton: Well I shouldn't say a shame, actually I'm really looking forward to being demoted from owner of my own company to menial laborer!
Cobra Commander: I'm very confident that that sentence has never been uttered by any human being in the history of mankind.
John Galt: Well Mr. Stockton here is just a prime example of the kind of rationally self interested man we want here in the Gulch! He knows that if he steps down and lets the market dictate what is best for everyone he will increase production for everyone!
Cobra Commander: So you all are actually communists?
John Galt/Andrew Stockton/Dagny Taggert: Woah!
Cobra Commander: What? You are trying to assign everyone to the best job they can do for the good of society, that... that is the textbook definition of communism! Your workers control the means of production. You've practically eliminated money and social classes. Your resources are basically communally available. You. Are. Communists.
Ken Danagger: How dare you good sir!
Dagny Taggart: Ken! What are you doing here?
Ken Danagger: Well I was about to head off and start the iron mining I was looking forward to, but now I'm planning to give this chrome faced ruffian what for with that insulting talk.
Cobra Commander: Wait you guys haven't been mining any iron here yet?
Ken Danagger: No, as I said I'm going to be getting to that as soon as we finish handling the lesson you need to be taught.
Cobra Commander: You've... I have a giant snake tractor outside you guys built out of... not iron? What the heck is that thing made out of?
Andrew Stockton: Well I mean... we... we have been securing resources from the rest of the world.
Cobra Commander: Yeah but you have... you have tons of metal here in all sorts of things. Heck you have a full service foundry running right here that you said has enough workload to have put a small job shop out of business! Why the heck didn't you guys start with iron mining? I mean if you're trying to be self sufficient that seems like a terrible thing to ignore.
John Galt: Well nobody wanted to do it before. So... we just got by with the old solution of throwing money at the problem by buying and transporting in secret ludicrous quantities of iron until someone got around to deciding maybe they wanted to mine some iron.
Ken Danagger: Which I just did! So everything worked itself out in the end.
Cobra Commander: I take it back, you're not communists. You're idiots.
Ken Danagger: Hey! That's... I just remembered I was going to beat you up!
Cobra Commander: Yes, and now would be an excellent time for you to be the first of all you cretins to learn two lessons I think will be of exceeding value to the whol e population of your idyllic little 'Gulch'
Ken Danagger: Oh, and what might those be?
Cobra Commander: The first is that simply wanting to do something, like beating me up, isn't the sole factor in being able to do something. Capabilities of the individual combined with external factors both physical and societal can set up conditions that can make some goals completely impossible despite an individuals best efforts. Success too is a function of as much luck as it is good planning, training, raw talent, and all the other myriad factors that constrain... well if not this world at least a properly functioning one.
John Galt: Well you're wrong on that one, because obviously a proper capitalist, which I want to once again stress we all most definitely are because we said we are so there, all you have to do to get what you want is to want it. And be perfect. But if you're perfect you'll want only what's best for everyone, which isn't socialism, because part of being perfe ct is knowing your place which, again, isn't communism.
Cobra Commander: Which brings us to the second lesson. You would be very, very wise not to say incredibly stupid things to a very short tempered man with a super powerful, infinitely fueled, snake tractor capable of smashing a hole clean through your pathetic little factory.
Andrew Stockton: Is... is it too late to learn that second lesson?
Cobra Commander: Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of the tractor revving up! Don't worry though, you've got something to look forward to!
Andrew Stockton: Yeah?
Cobra Commander: You'll be knocked down to a menial laborer even sooner than you thought!