Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Kill the Redshirts.
Cobra Commander: Oh I wish I hadn't walked in on that.
James Taggart: I can explain! Wait... why should I have to explain!? Who are you and what are you doing in my house!?
Cobra Commander: I came because your wife was babbling on about you being the greatest villain in the world, morbid curiosity I suppose. I certainly didn't want to see you... ugh...
James Taggart: Well I am a villain, don't you see! Right now I'm cheating on my wife!
Lillian Rearden: And I on my husband, vile villains the both of us!
Cobra Commander: Yes yes, I... I can see way too much of that I think I'm just going to see myself out.
James Taggart: No, I think it's finally time we truly revel in our real villainy here! Cheating on my wife, AHAHAHA! Purely because I wished to do so!
Lillian Rearden: Yes! Which is the literal exact same reasoning that my husband Hank had for cheating on me, damn his heroic act! He hated and loathed me and paid me no mind, and resented his marriage to me and threw himself into the arms of another woman while acting abusively to both I and her, like some sort of noble minded heroic genius!
James Taggart: Yes the only way we were able to have our revenge on him... on all of those heroes, was by doing the exact opposite of them! So I hated and loathed my wife and paid her no mind, and resented my marriage and threw myself into the arms of another woman while acting abusively to both you and her, like the most deplorable of villains!
Cobra Commander: You literally just repeated what she said! Also you're not wearing pants! For the love of all that is wicked in the world put on some pants!
Lillian Rearden: How dare you equate what we've done to that detestably goody two-shoes Hank, my Husband who despite explicitly being pointed out to earlier as being absolutely terrible at working the inside Washington game, who even employed Wesley Mouch specifically to handle dealing with the underhanded politics because Hank couldn't understand them and was terrible at them, and was in fact so terrible that he didn't realize that Mouch was not only incompetent and bad at his job but actively betraying Hank's interests... my husband who despite all of that has bribed everyone in the legal system and maneuvered so adeptly and masterfully as to be able to ensure that his divorce with me will go off without a hitch! Just like a hero!
Cobra Commander: If you don't get out of the way of the door this instant...
*CRACK*
James Taggart: Ow!
Cobra Commander: Well that's what you get for smacking a metal mask...
James Taggart: Shut up! Where's my wife! I feel invigorated! I want to shout in her face how I married her entirely out of spite, as part of some long con where I could not be the kind of man she was actually looking for and watch her suffer on having chosen poorly, which also kind of doesn't make sense considering I kind of deluded myself into thinking that I'm better than I am on some level, but whatever shut up I'm so hopped up on adrenaline I can't even feel my broken hand! So take me to my wife right now!
Cobra Commander: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT
*WHACK*
James Taggart: Aiiie!
Cobra Commander: I am going to have to burn these boots after kicking you there... but I'll take you to your wife and you can shout at her all you like from your adjoining cell.
James Taggart (high pitched): Thank you... making my wife miserable is all I think I may have ever truly enjoyed out of life...
Cobra Commander: Oh I'm just overjoyed that I could be of service.